fic, sort of. FMA beta? anyone?

This is the story that I'm turning in for the 'marginalized people in society' assignment tomorrow. Does anybody want to look it over and tell me if there's anything flagrantly crapful about it? I need to fact check a few things with the one episode as well.

Also, is it unreadably irritating that none of the three characters (Scar, Scar's brother, and Scar's brother's girlfriend) have a name?

Title: Exile [Scar, Scar's brother]
Rating/Warning: PG-13 for blasphemy and tattooing.
Summary: In the days after her death, what he hated her most for, more than for leaving him, was that she took his brother with her.
AN: I'm not sure I'm happy with this. but something has to get turned into tomorrow. Suggestions would be more than a little exciting.

( Exile [Scar, Scar's brother] )