I Fail At Secrets

[mousapelli]

thanks to marty, once in a while I read through about a million fandomsecrets in a row. some of them are funny, some of them are stupid, and some of them are heartbreaking. And I always sort of want to post a really good one, but the truth is that I can't think of anything I wouldn't say to everybody's face anyway.

so i jotted down a bunch of random things that probably would be secrets, if I weren't me:

*It's hard to tell what my very first fanfiction was, but I think it was the Sonic the Hedgehog fanfiction that my brother and I co-authored (he wasn't old enough to write yet). If i found it, I would totally post it, without any shame at all.

*when I was 9, the very first person I ever had a crush on was James Bond Jr., and when I was 12, the second was Elisa Maza. I still think Elisa Maza is the most badass woman in any fandom ever. If i watch more than three Gargoyles episodes in a row, the crush returns full force and takes weeks to wear off, so I am relieved they haven't released James Bond Jr. on DVD yet.



*I was the only kid in my elementary school to like the x-men. everybody else liked Power Rangers, so i pretended they were my favorite instead, but really the episode where the green ranger lost his powers and had to leave the show is the moment I define as the end of my childhood.

*we used to have to keep journals in elementary school. In the 6th grade I wrote an entry in which I considered seriously the evidence that the pink ranger and the green ranger were in fact dating, and my teacher put a comment at the top of it which I'm sure she felt was harmless but made me so embarrassed that I still can't write fannish things out longhand. If it weren't for typing, none of you would even have any idea who I was.

*I just honestly have no idea what it is about slash that is so appealing. None at all. But I will say that I can count on one hand the number of fandoms that have female characters who don't make me want to kill myself, so maybe that has something to do with it.

*I really, honestly, truly believe at this point that somebody/people in Japan are stealing ideas from my livejournal. It happens far too often to be coincidental. I realize I sound paranoid and irrational when I say this, but I don't care, it has to be true. I just wish they would have listened to me about Ya-Ya-yah.

*Despite initial protest that it's creepy (which it is), that it's only minimally okay if you're sure the people don't read the language you're writing it in (which probably isn't even true), I have sunk so low into RPF that I consider it a good day if i'm only writing about the 16-year-old, an average day if I'm contemplating the best pairing for the 14-year-old, and a bad day only when I have bunnies that involve the 10-year-old. And his brother.

*The truth is that I didn't get really serious about learning to READ Japanese until I realized that nobody else was ever going to translate the 15-year-old's thoughts about dating the same girl as his brother except me.

*I'm also concerned that at this point I might be incapable of being physically attracted to non-asians.

*I would have quit graduate school during the first year if it weren't for livejournal. I think about that every day.

*it makes me really, really angry that my family made fun of me for learning Japanese. Even though they have basically stopped at this point, I'm still angry. And I think I might be forever.

*I know a lot of people think I've changed recently and can't figure out why, but the truth is that I've always been like this, I used to just hide it more. I spent hours a day playing sonic and mario when I was in grade school and you're just now realizing that I like anime and japanese music?

*I read my own fic, laugh out loud at it, and then paste bits of it to people over IM. I wish most other people in my fandoms wrote as well as me, because then maybe I could read something different for a change.

*i think the worst part about fandom is getting into one and having to learn everything, but the best part is making everybody else suffer just as much as you, and it's MORE fun if the new fandom is something the other person swore they would never, ever be involved in.

Comments

[daisy-chan.livejournal.com]

I wish more people in my fandoms wrote as well as you too :/

[therhoda.livejournal.com]

he he, we love you Mouse, really we do!

*snickers about the 10 year old*

[acchikocchi.livejournal.com]

inquiring minds want to know: my mother and I are really curious about the power rangers comment from your teacher. XD (just the general idea if it still carries leftover humiliation... no pressure if you'd rather not think about it. ;D)

(yes, I read the bits about power rangers out loud to her, because she used to watch it with me before school. *g*)

[shinigamitabris.livejournal.com]

elise says to smack you from both of us. :D

and why do i have a sneaking suspicion that the last one is at least in part directed at me? >_>;

[florahart]

Well, your family is silly to have made fun of you. What the hell. I think it rocks when K1 tells me the potato ga suki desu or whatever (which he pretty much does any time he knows the word; by the time he finishes high school I am certain to have improved my Japanese vocabulary, though probably not reading. Heh. Course, I would also like it if he said he gusta'ed el potato or whatever, because I mostly think what he does (except chronically forgetting to actually turn in his homework) is cool. :D

[peroxidepest17.livejournal.com]

God. totally wish more writers in JE fandom wrote like you too. XD

[ayisse.livejournal.com]

*it makes me really, really angry that my family made fun of me for learning Japanese. Even though they have basically stopped at this point, I'm still angry. And I think I might be forever.
It's not just my family for me though =/


...this should be a meme! lol XD

[aidara.livejournal.com]

Wow, so much of this is just like me, it's a little scary. Although, I think a lot of fandomers must go through the same stuff, so it shouldn't be that surprising. But seriously, the slash thing, the RPF thing, the I-haven't-changed-so-much-I've-just-stopped-hiding-it thing, and very much this: I'm also concerned that at this point I might be incapable of being physically attracted to non-asians. XD

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

haha, i sound like a jerk but really i just want new things to read!

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

♥♥♥

[zombiecide.livejournal.com]

I can't think of anything I wouldn't say to everybody's face anyway.
So true. :3

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

the full story is really this: we switched teachers halfway through the year, and the first teacher had a rule that after you'd written entries all week, you starred a couple you wanted him to read and he didn't read the rest of them. so not like i was writing porn or whatever, but there was an understanding that the other stuff was going unread.

well, when the real lady came back, I expected her to know the rules! stupid me. so on the power rangers entry, which wasn't starred!, she wrote something like "I'm sure you'll figure it out." It was longer than that, but that's the part I remember, and on top of the surprise of having entries marked that I DIDNT STAR, it had this vague tone of "this is what you spend your time thinking about? power rangers? aren't you too old for this?"

so anyway, yeah. I'm sure she never thought about it again, but i was scarred for life. I think this also has to do now with how I always understood that whatever you post on the internet is accessible to everyone and you need to be careful, but on the flip side of that, i don't lock things and then pretend to myself that the wrong person will never see them "because i starred it! so it's okay!", because I know that not everybody knows the rules.

um, that sounds retarded. but that's the story. And I need a power rangers icon. BECAUSE I LOVED THE GREEN RANGER. but i didn't want to date him, see. I wanted the pink ranger to date him. and two decades later, things haven't changed at all.

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

:P

haha, i was really thinking of how recently i've been making jemz love kisumai and iso watch videos of teensy teensy jrs (OMG 10-YEAR-OLD WHY YOU GOTTA HAVE TALENT ;_; ), but YES YOU TOO. and you had to withstand it in person, too. "Here, you'll like this. listen to this." and "AWWW, in yukata! look how cute they are in yukata!!".

Ima make you love jrs. just wait.

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

ME TOO. GOD. Why can't you use verbs, people?! Why can't you write Ryo who isn't psychotic, and a Fujigaya who isn't a girl?!

I want to hold seminars or something. like workshops. peer editing workshops. BECAUSE I NEED VAST IMPROVEMENT.

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

oh it's not mine either, but my family is the only one who dares say that sort of crap to my face.

haha, it can be a meme if you want it to be. have a good time!

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

LOL. yes. it really is.

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

a lot of it, yeah. although i'm sure everybody's story is different, i'm willing to bet most people in fandom had at least one scarring childhood incident before they realized that most other people aren't like us, and started keeping it to themselves.

and then I sound psychotic, because I'm dying to talk about it so badly that the second somebody shows even the slightest interest, it all comes pouring out, and I can't stop it.

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

and that is why you're awesome. And also you completely need an icon that says "potato ga suki desu."

yeah, i really don't understand the drive to pick on me for wanting to learn things, which at this point should not in any way be a shock to them. plus, you know, LANGUAGE TEACHER. OBVS I LIKE FOREIGN LANGUAGE, JERKS.

I am just going to die of glee when you and one or both kids get totally hooked on the same anime at the same time, fannishly. I'm voting for Prince of Tennis because of all the Inui-data-math dorkery.

[fantomeq.livejournal.com]

I'd be furious too if someone made fun of me for learning a language. (I admit, I started to learn Aramaic and Egyptian heiroglyphs but gave up.) Egh, fandom in school. I wrote a ridiculous amount of Star Trek stuff in 7th grade. It still comes back to haunt me.

I think I'm incapable of being attracted to non-evil people. I'm only half joking.

[longleggedgit.livejournal.com]

UM SOLIDARITY IN ELISA MAZA CRUSHES GIRLFRIEND

[musikologie.livejournal.com]

If I can find my first fanfic I will totally post it for the lols. I think it was a Sailormoon fic, and I was trying to be all true to the canon by using the Japanese names, and... I didn't know shit about Japan so I'm sure it's awful. Good times.

[daisy-chan.livejournal.com]

No, I agree with you; there's a lot of crap out there. Some pairings I've had to given up on entirely because the level of the writing was so bad it started to ruin my love for the pairing.

But I'm a total fic snob. >>

[aidara.livejournal.com]

Oh my God, yes! It's gotten to the point where I hate to even have any fannish subject brought up in case anyone DOES show interest, because then there'll come that moment when they look at you like, what the hell, all I said was I've heard some Japanese music before and thought it was okay. Why are you still talking?

[procreational.livejournal.com]

*The truth is that I didn't get really serious about learning to READ Japanese until I realized that nobody else was ever going to translate the 15-year-old's thoughts about dating the same girl as his brother except me

I love you.

(PS - I wish I knew more people who wrote like you, too.)

[svz-insanity.livejournal.com]

♥♥♥ I wish more people in any fandom would write like you! And I'm glad you're happy writing JE fics. :) I don't follow it since I can't even tell the boys apart.

I remember my first fanfic. Sailor Moon. My second fanfic was co-written by best friend and it basically had all the anime in the 2000-2002 era in one gigantic crossover. I still have it somewhere, lol.

[peroxidepest17.livejournal.com]

I WOULD TAKE YOUR SEMINAR. I WOULD TAKE IT RIGHT NOW.

your icon is so appropriate

[acchikocchi.livejournal.com]

adjskldss okay I totally understand that, I had a teacher who did the starring thing, too, and if that had happened to me I would have been so freaked out.

and while I was a red ranger girl myself (you heard about where his actor was sighted recently, right? XD), I have vivid memories of the green ranger's introduction and he was totally going out with the pink ranger. (really trina aka yellow ranger was my favorite of all. she had the saber toothed tiger, come on.)

[partypaprika.livejournal.com]

I agree with a lot of those. I feel like I used to be attracted to people that weren't asian....but now.....DDD : I also have discovered a horrifying attraction to clothes that completely clash as long as they have bright colors.
And I also want to know what it is about slash that I love so much. I honestly don't know....and yet I crave it so badly!