(no subject)

[mousapelli]

First Snupin, now this. I have clearly sunk to the one of the lower echelons of fic. This is what I wrote last night instead of listening to 8 very painful feminist presentations during class.

In which Sirius pays for saying "oh, it's just the once, moony, I bet it'll be fine if we go without just the once."


Nobody Can Understand These Damn Directions

Sirius peered at the small white strip adhered to his abdomen.

"Well?" he asked.

"I'm reading the directions," Remus snapped. "Affix testing strip...wait ten minutes...no wand use...bit late for that..."

"Give me that!" Sirius snatched the box out of Remus' hands. "Blue. Blue means pregnant, pink means not. Orange means spawn of a Dark Creature."

"You're not funny!"

Remus' scowl deepened when Sirius thrust the box back at him and jabbed a finger at the relevant quote.

"Fucking lycanthrophobes," Remus snarled, dropping the slightly crushed box on the sink counter. Sirius grunted a reply and went back to staring at the still-white strip. He poked it.

"How long..." the strip interrupted Sirius with a faint "ping!" rather like an egg-timer.

Bright orange.

"Fuck." Sirius sat down hard on the toilet.

"Well that explains the glowing."

"That's just a metaphor!" Sirius snapped. Remus didn't say a word, just reached over and flipped off the bathroom light.

The green phosphorescence that Remus could've done a crossword by clashed badly with the orange strip.

"This is all your fault."

"Yes, clearly!" Remus flipped the light back on. "Clearly you had nothing to do with it!"

"How'm I going to explain this to Harry?!" Sirius demanded, putting his head in his hands.

"It isn't like it's bad news!" Remus shot back, rather hurt. "We'll just have to tell him positively."

"Oh yes, that'll fix everything!" Sirius announced, sarcasm thick enough to spread on toast. "We can make it into a riddle! 'Hey Harry, what does a 170 pound werewolf impregnate?' "

"Sirius..."

" 'Anything he damn well pleases!' "

Um, there's some more, but I feel I should stop there really.

Comments

[rikibeth.livejournal.com]

Oh but it's funny!

[laylah.livejournal.com]

Oh God, funny!

Panicky!Sirius, yay!

We'd read the rest, if you posted it, you know :)

[florahart]

Wahahahahaha!

Woo! Werewolf MPreg for EVeryone!

I think "Orange means spawn of a Dark Creature" might be one of my most favorite things ever.

*snickers some more*

Mmm, sarcasmed toast...

[instantramen]

But I wanna see Harry trying to figure out how Sirius could be pregnant in the first place! And more literally-glowing Sirius! And after how you handled werewolves mating for life, I think mpreg is really just a logical step.

And don't think I didn't see that essless apostrophe, little missy! *says the younger of the two* Nits! Where are my sexy little nits?

[arionrhod.livejournal.com]

You are brilliant. May I worship at your feet?

:D

This is one of the funniest things I think I've read in weeks! And on a day where I desperately needed a laugh.

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!

[musesfool.livejournal.com]

Well, at least you realize that it would be Sirius popping those puppies out, and not Remus. He does *not* have childbearing hips. Hmph.

[contrariwise.livejournal.com]

Bwahahaha! 'Spawn of a Dark Creature.'

Is this the *lowest* echelon, though? Or can you go lower... Muwahaha!

[musesfool.livejournal.com]

There's always furries...

Of course, given the bestiality possibilities inherent in the pairing... Let's just not go there.

[dementedsiren.livejournal.com]

Hee - snarky pregnant RL/SB, always a fave. And like the others, I must concur that my absolute favorite line is "Orange means spawn of a Dark Creature"...that and the last exchange of words.

To funny.

[ladywhisp.livejournal.com]

Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaase write more?please? I laughed so hard! pleeeeeease!!

[corporal-katz.livejournal.com]

Bwahahaha!!! Bloody hell, normally MPREG fics squick me to no end, but this was hilarious. *wipes a tear away* Will you add more to this?

Hope you don't mind me randomly commenting in your journal. But I had to reply. :D

*friends*

- Katz

These damn directions...

[rowaine.livejournal.com]

oh ouch. thank you for hurting my brain. really. i needed that ;)

[vixenette.livejournal.com]

Oh, come on, now Sirius can grow girl-parts and him and Remus can experiment and Sirius can cry like a baby and send Remus out for pickles and chocolate ice cream! MPreg fics RULE!! *barf*

But this was funny, and I agree with the first person who commented - we'd still read it if you continued. :P

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

*wipes spit-take cola off monitor* Oh, my god! I love love love love this! If you think there's more in ya, go for it, because I for one would lose my dignity and my bladder control if the rest was this funny.

[libitina]

Orange! Hee!

If you can keep making me pee my pants from laughing, then by all means don't stop. All sins are forgiven for the funny.

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

glad to hear that! You might see more of it yet :)

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

hehehe, mine too. I think we need an icon for that shit.

Re: Mmm, sarcasmed toast...

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

haha, those are just for you, baby.

Nits! Betcha it doesn't show my icon again. GRRR!

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

indeed you may :) glad to have cheered you up.

I keep meaning to tell you that I love that icon. sohot!

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

haha, i should say not! although I really did like your fic about him and the werewolf changes and things, and I have to say that's probably what bunnied me in the first place.

Hopefully the kid won't get Remus' mustache either.

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

perhaps we shouldn't encourage me to go any lower. Cause I'll get there eventually. It's a slippery slope all right. *sigh*

*slips*

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

also my favorite. That line needs an icon I think. I should get to work on that.

Do you love that riddle? I was cracking myself up when I wrote that.

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

I HATE mpreg, that's why I'm sort of ashamed that I wrote it, but I was hoping that the sheer ridiculousness of the situation would mitigate some of the "oh please" factor.

Seems to have worked :)

Re: These damn directions...

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

no problem, glad you enjoyed.

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

you've sort of encapsulated my eternal hatred for the mpreg, which is why it's rather embarrassing that I wrote it.

but people seemed to be enjoying it. and asking for more. o.O

pickles and chocolate ice cream. Bleah.

Re: Mmm, sarcasmed toast...

[instantramen]

Ha! I see your icon, I see your icon! Nitsnitsnits!

[instantramen]

Not being able to go back to sleep can be incredibly boring. This time, an icon appeared.

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

hahaha, that's brilliant! perfect! *snurches it*

I feel like we could start a whole trend of these, that say things like "Maroon means it's a Weasley" or "greasy means snape's been at it again".

[instantramen]

Ew, how would we manage a greasy one?

[mooncharm.livejournal.com]

Oh please continue, please please please please please!? *begs* Tis far too glorious to end it there!!

'Hey Harry, what does a 170 pound werewolf impregnate?' "

"Sirius..."

" 'Anything he damn well pleases!' "

*dies*

[fantomeq.livejournal.com]

*Snort, choke, faint* "We can make it into a riddle!" The next time I take a pregnancy test, I'll be reporting the results as bright orange.

I worship you.