The Gizmometer Says That Fry is Dead and Nothing Can Bring Him Back

[mousapelli]

At some point during college, i realized that it was not common for other people to think about stuff all the time, in their heads, like i do and had just been assuming that everybody else was too.

[Poll #906406]

I would assume that a disproportionate number of you, being writers and journalers and things, would answer yes, you think about things a lot, but generally when I ask this question of RL people, they seem to think that I am a little cracked.

So we went to this comedy show (i swear this connects) in the back of Doc Holiday's (it's exactly as pathetic as it sounds), and as I'm sitting there, being smoked upon and knowing that my mother's promises of "it will only be an hour" are a patent lie, a chance question from the comic (oh how loosely I use the term 'comic') gets a drunken "yaaaayyyyy" from the crowd.

The question was "who here is getting laid tonight?"

And suddenly i think to myself, I'm surrounded by people who are a) drunk and b) getting laid, c) two of whom are my parents. And then I think, not only am I doing neither a nor b, but actually even if I did start getting drunk and find somebody to sleep with at that moment, both drinking and sleeping with somebody random will just end up with me feeling like crap, not only in the end, but as it's actually happening.

And then I thought, because I watch Futurama a lot, "Aw, I just made myself sad."

I find that this has been happening rather frequently lately, where in the midst of situations which are not requiring my full attention, and increasingly these days it takes at least two things to do that, such as watching tv and writing, or knitting and watching anime, i keep taking mental stock of how I feel about everything.

And I should stop, because i don't typically come away feeling very pleased.

I don't really have a point here, because since I can't remember a time where I wasn't talking to myself in my head all the time I'm pretty sure i'm not going to stop any time soon, nor is there really anything so heinously wrong that I should honestly even be complaining about it.

Increasingly, however, i think that the real key to being happier would be to be much stupider than I am. Certainly i was surrounded by a lot of much stupider, much happier people earlier this evening, many of whom are probably getting laid right now despite the fact that very few of them were even mildly attractive.

Before the 'comedy' I had been writing, but now I feel like my funny has all been drained by osmosis. so I guess I will just sit here next to the internet instead.

Comments

[takewing.livejournal.com]

I find your poll question interesting because I'd never really thought about it either. I know I have a mental dialogue going on all the time, which is why I don't think talking to yourself is nuts, since I essentially do it in my head all the time anyway. But it's hard to say if what I'm thinking about is related to what I'm doing or not. When I'm not doing ANYTHING, of course it isn't. When I'm in class or doing homework, I kind of HAVE to be thinking about things related to what I'm doing. It depends on what's up and also to some degree how interested and motivated I am in focusing on what's actually going on... which is like, never in some glasses, heh.

Over all though my thoughts tend to relate to what I'm doing somehow. I wonder at the fact that I seem to be the minority in that. XD

I will say that I often think that everyone around me are losers though. Ignorance and/or stupidity may very well be bliss, but... well... it's also ignorance and stupidity, if you get what I mean.

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

Yes, that's how it is for me too. I think that's why I find watching anime so relaxing, because i am actually spending all my mental energy trying to translate what they're saying, instead of doing things like calculating how long it's been since I last touched somebody who wasn't an immediate family member.

Seriously. Sometimes I just look around and think to myself, how is it possible that every single one of these people is completely oblivious to how fucking retarded everything they do and say is. AND THEN REPRODUCE. HOW.

[ladyamedeus.livejournal.com]

My answer is actually somewhere between the first and second choices.

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

well, I mean, yes, probably everybody's is. It's not like while I'm doing math homework (the fact that i even have math homework still), i'm not thinking about math, it's just that I'm pretty likely in the middle of math, to start thinking about something else.

And if I'm not actually doing something, like I'm in a meeting or things like that, it's a good bet that while I am staring at you talking, I am wondering if I got any mail today or whether jin will ever find out I write about him or whether it's really worth it to play the whole way through FFVII when I'm basically just reading the strategy guide, etc.

[svz-insanity.livejournal.com]

I think it depends? If it's math, for example, I *have* to be thinking about it or I'll be sure to get something wrong but I think for most things, my mind's usually somewhere else. My train of thoughts are usually very random.

[wonder1440.livejournal.com]

I said yes and went with the crowd... because it's true. Actually if my mind were on the usual tasks at hand, I would probably be in better shape right now..... :)

[ladysorka]

The only times I'm not thinking of things unrelated to what I'm doing are usually when I'm really absorbed in reading something, in which case I probably won't even notice if you call my name 15 times.

Of course, I suppose, purely by the fact that when I read I hear all the voices in my head, I suppose I still have the mental dialogue going, it's just, uh... not mine?

I can't even comprehend not constantly thinking, even about amazingly random things. Of course, I suppose this is connected to the fact that I was once in an English class and the professor said something about how he understood that writing was difficult, because people don't think in words. And I raised my hand and was all "...uh, I do. I even think in full, complete sentences. Complete wandering paragraphs, even. And if you forced me to write it down, I could even put in proper punctuation." And everyone stared at me like I was nuts.

[kenaressa.livejournal.com]

When I read for pleasure I get really into the book as well. I get so absorbed that I don't register what's going on around me at all as the story plays out before my minds eye. Back when I still lived at home it really frusterated my parents. They would ask me something, or give a long explanation of something and say my name at the end....the only thing I would hear was my name ^__^; Eventually they started saying my name first...

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

"...uh, I do. I even think in full, complete sentences.
Yes, exactly. There's a lot of narration going on, which is why I suppose i don't find writing difficult at all really. Writing something good is a different story, but just writing any old thing? pfft.

I complete hear the words being read in my head when I'm reading. It's probably why I did so much of it before I discovered the internet, and really, i'm still reading just as much if not more, it's just on a screen instead of on paper.

[sociofemme.livejournal.com]

This is the reason I startle so easily. I live in my own little world, and not only do I think all the time, and it doesn't have anything to do with what I'm doing, but it also rarely touches on reality.

[hetaira9.livejournal.com]

hm, well, you've answered my question as to whether anyone actually went to the "comedy club" in Hburg (I used to work for those Special People who own it and all the Docs, etc etc).

As for your question--I think I spend most of my time absorbed in some kind of thought completely or only vaguely unrelated to what's going on. The rest of the time I'm thinking about sex and how I would reallyrealllyreally enjoy engaging in some in the near future. I fear that one day my thoughts are going to intrude on what's really going on and I'm going to be very, very embarrassed.

and on that note..I'm gonna be late for work

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

I'm sure it depends on who you see, since it changes every weekend, but ours were crap. pleah.

The rest of the time I'm thinking about sex and how I would reallyreallyreally enjoy engaging in some in the near future.
Yes, exactly. we can see how well that's been going since my sophomore year in college.

[laylah.livejournal.com]

This is actually why, at 8am on a Sunday, I'm awake and have been for most of an hour and won't be likely to go back to sleep. As soon as I wake up enough for my brain to go on, I wind up thinking about things too much to be able to get back to sleep. My body might be still tired, but my brain is skipping around from "did i pay my student loan this month?" to "I wonder if we're strong enough for that sidequest now" to "mmm, hot cocoa."

And I totally hear you on the loathing for the morons around you. That's...why I hate my job, really. And why I'm going to try to get a different one. Because I sit there thinking "you are all fucking retarded, and you've made careers out of it, and I hate you," and then I have to put Onyx on and listen to music so it drowns out what they're saying and I don't stab anyone through the eye with my proofreading pen.

So. No solutions, but much sympathy!

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

I love those KH option icons, I laugh every single time i see one.

Yes. The worst part about starting a new job, or going back to a job after a long break, is that for the first few nights I will keep waking up over and over convinced that I am still at the job until I get used to the routine again. RATS DONT LIKE CHANGE.

I pine for a job where listening to my ipod is even an option. Although, I actually like most of my co-workers (that's sort of a weird term to use for other teachers), but I spend a far greater percentage of my time alone with students, who just could really care less about anything you are doing and refuse to do any work and can't go three seconds without whining about something.

Ugh. in other news, Dante is hot.

[laylah.livejournal.com]

Dante is hot. And he's like snowboarding! Two positions: One is looking cool, the other is DEAD. ^^

I'm working in advertising right now, so I'm surrounded by the people I hated in high school for being trendy and obnoxious and thinking they were witty when in fact they were lame. Only now they get paid for it. I want out so badly. There used to be an anime fangirl at my job -- her cube was full of posters of Trigun and Lain and stuff -- but she got fired right before christmas. It's felt a lot emptier after that. >->

The teaching thing, tho, yeah. Man. That takes a strong stomach. I taught freshman comp while I was working on my grad degree, and the waves of apathy coming off those kids just. yeah. There's a reason I wrote so much Snape back then. *cough*

[prillalar]

I think this is why I continue to fail at meditating and why I should probably make an effort to keep at it and learn. Why I have so much trouble sleeping.

I don't know if being stupider would make for being happier, though. Are there any studies correlating happiness and IQ?

*hugs*

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

I'm really sure that I cannot meditate with any success at all. I could probably learn to do it, sort of, with a lot of practice.

Are there any studies correlating happiness and IQ?
I have no idea, but I bet it's true. Don't the stupid people around you seem much happier? It makes sense, since you wouldn't know what you are missing really, and if you only ever think about what you are doing at that second, if what you are doing at that second makes you happy, you must feel really good!

I have no idea, and I'm sure it works the other way too, that if you are doing something you hate, you want to kill yourself. Also, then you are stupid, which I don't really want to be.

[fantomeq.livejournal.com]

My brother who has ADHD used to not be able to think silently at all at one point. Everything came out of his mouth until he was on medication, when he became much happier.

I think constantly unless I'm exhausted or pregnant. I knew I was pregnant because about five days later, bam, my brain turned off. No background noise at all. Kind of peaceful, but I was convinced I was permanently stupid. It got better a couple of months after Elizabeth was born.

I find that when I go over my life too much, it's circular and repetitive. So writing things down in a diary gets the thoughts in order and lets them out for a while.

It's definitely true that intelligent people aren't as happy. We can't turn off our brains as easily, and we want to fix things all the time. But your life would have a lot less meaning and emotion if you were stupid.

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

about five days later, bam, my brain turned off. No background noise at all.
Really?...that sounds sort of terrible. I mean, not that being pregnant is terrible, but I never heard anybody mention that as a side effect before. I'm not sure I'd like that at all, even for a limited amount of time.

We can't turn off our brains as easily, and we want to fix things all the time.
Yes! that's it exactly. I'm so glad that I have the internet where people are the same as me. It makes things better, somehow.

[fantomeq.livejournal.com]

It's referred to as preggo brain. Not everybody gets it. Some people are just forgetful. Even the with miscarriage I had when i was only pregnant two weeks, it happened. I freaked out for a few months, angsted over it, and then I realized that it was a helpful deterrent to worrying about the baby non-stop. Some people say it's hormonal and some say it's because of the blood flow changing when women are pregnant.

I know the feeling. I had so many friends when I went to boarding school, but now nobody around Idaho understands me much.

[instantramen]

One of my teachers in high school often said that you can either be stupid and happy or smart and bored. Obviously this also works out to smart and unhappy, and even though it really sucks sometimes I'd rather be smart than stupid.

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

I would have thought your question odd before a few years ago, when an aquaintance admitted to me that he never read books, just didn't care to. He said, "If I have to wait somewhere for an hour, and you give me the choice of reading a book for it or having nothing to do, I'll do the nothing." Which astounded me, because I always want to have a book, or a movie or tv show or websurfing or something going on if there is a time when I have nothing else to do. If I am doing something else that does not involve a book or movie or something it is because I cannot, and then my brain is going a mile a minute thinking or musing; if the activity is something that needs my concentration then I am thinking about that thing, but as soon as it does not require that much concentration (like driving, waiting for an elevator, etc.) then I have to come up with something to think about. It could be as mundane as plans for the day, but often I'm plotting a story, or planning a fantasy. Frequently I will storytell to myself, like in the shower or while driving; if there's no one else there with me or to hear me I'll tell myself a familiar story out loud. I love doing that.

So what my aquaintance told me was astounding because the idea of choosing just to sit and think is freaky to me; thinking is what you do when you can't be stimulated by input (books movies etc.) in some other way. The only time I turn myself off is when I'm asleep.