This is not what NabeSho expected

[mousapelli]

i guess I ought to say something about something. er.

1. JLPT results came, and it was not a pass lol. I came up over the lower threshold for each section, but didn't have enough total points to pass overall. That's what I expected, and I certainly didn't want to go on to the next level yet, so it's fine. It doesn't feel good to fail or whatever, but...well, I was going to say I wasn't upset about it, but it's taken me days to post about it, so maybe I am a little bit. it's fine.

2. me: "on top of the fact that I hate it, every time I go to the gym i gain a pound."
person at work: "you do not. that can't go on indefinitely."
me: "want to bet?"

I should've actually put some money down, because I've been to the gym each day for 3 days now, and I've gained 3 pounds. certainly I can't keep this up indefinitely, but I'm so irritated by the entire thing that I'm afraid if I stop going before I see some kind of positive effect, anything, that I won't be able to force myself to try for another long while.

ps i obviously know that 3 days is not long enough for miraculous things, but jesus christ, is some kind of positive reinforcement, or at least just no negative reinforcement, too much to ask? Also if you choose to comment on this you are forbidden to use the words 'muscle mass' for any reason. There's no fucking muscle, okay. trust me.

3. Yuto in Nobuta (which we're watching for Drama Night) is cuter than baby anythings. I did not know at all he was in this, haha. It's helping balance out the fact that I dislike Maki intensely. Also helping is the fact that in this one Maki mostly just stands there quietly while Yamapi is gay at Kame. Anyway, Yuto needs grown up drama roles.

4. This whole sleeping more thing is just...I just spend more percent of my conscious hours at school, and that is hardly more sustainable than the gym. i don't feel any better or more energetic or anything. sigh. we had a delay this morning and I just slept through the whole thing, so it seems like my capacity to feel the same regardless of hours more sleep is reasonably limitless.

now i have to go to bed in 3 minutes ):

Comments

[kira-shadow.livejournal.com]

don't measure improvements of a diet or going to the gym with a scale. muscle weighs more than fat, so the more sport you do the heavier you get but certain parties of your body should be decomposing the fat and building up muscle. it's the same for me, if I do my aqua sports regularly and hop onto the scale I gain weight but my waist is smaller than before because my jeans loosen up...

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

yes, but see, all i want is for my pants to fit, which they do not. I wouldn't CARE if i weighed 250 lbs if i could just fit in my fucking pants from last winter.

and i cannot.

[kira-shadow.livejournal.com]

D:
...patience? or maybe change the work-out area...you can target this kind of stuff, right?

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

not...really? i mean, i can choose to work my arms or legs or other stuff, but the worst part is all core-trunk area, and there's nothing you can do but lose weight. Even the ab stuff doesn't really seem to do much to it. I can weightlift like 120 lbs with my abs, because they hold me up all day, but in terms of fitting in the pants, no effect.

i've been alternating treadmill/elliptical and weight-training, like you're supposed to, but I walk all day at school and I'm not weak or anything to begin with, so my body doesn't seem to care about either thing.

we're not a slender people, my family. it's so much effort for so little progress, it's not sustainable.

[timeripple.livejournal.com]

I have heard that some people gain weight before they lose it. Probably there are books on why that is, possibly involving starvation and biological stress responses. (Says the girl who's sore from the half hour of yoga which she and her roommate thought would be a great way to start the morning. Er.)

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

oops. I used to do yoga in college and i'd be sore from that thing where you hold yourself up on your elbows and toes with all your core muscles.

it's seriously just that my body knows it can hold out longer than my will to keep on trying to lose weight. it's like why my foot falls asleep on the elliptical machine, there's nothing wrong, my body just wants to stop it, so it causes trouble someplace.

i would give anything to force somebody with a normal, reasonable body to put up with mine for 48 hours.

[timeripple.livejournal.com]

That one! We're doing that one next time! We did the one where you lie on your back and hold your legs up straight at (theoretically) 90 degrees, and lower and raise one leg at a time, and like two reps in we were both just "...ow." XD SO MUCH more effective than crunches.

[aliquot.livejournal.com]

Exercise makes you retain water, especially immediately after while your muscles are healing.

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

this is what people at school keeping being on about, but like, we never get to that second part. it is all up and no down. however long it takes to get to that second part, i can't possibly keep doing this shit endlessly because I hate it and there is no outward effect.

the rat doesn't keep pushing the bar if the scientist says 'i will give you some froot loops several weeks from now.'

[aliquot.livejournal.com]

How long have you tried? Have you been eating the same? Sometimes people subconsciously feel good about themselves after they work out so they let themselves eat more as a "reward" ruining what they just did. Do you count calories at all? Not to mention that water can affect your weight by POUNDS every day. If you ate something extra salty yesterday, that would even do it, or if it is the week of your period.

The rat also doesn't know that if he DOESNT push the bar he will die of starvation, so your argument is irrelevant because you have more brain capacity than a rat. I'd hope you have a better opinion of yourself than to think you are only capable of logical thinking as well as a rat. Unlike a rat, you ARE aware of the long term consequences of being unhealthy because of the scientific research others have done, and of course, your wallet knows because you have to buy new pants.

I used to be you. I used to think it was so impossible and I'm just cursed. I really was just lazy and stubborn. I'd complain till the cows came home about being fat and how obviously it wasn't my fault because I was trying SO hard. Except I wan't. I convinced myself I was because it made me feel better, and at the same time let me go back to being lazy after it "didn't work". Then I got tired of being fat. Like really tired of it, not just mildly irritated. I got my shit together and I've lost 56 pounds in the past year by calorie counting and I've BARELY even stepped into the gym.

Sorry to get on a soap box here, but maybe you're just not ready. I don't know how much you weigh or what you want to lose or if you want to be a body builder or something. I'd say if you are serious, start calorie counting (http://www.livestrong.com/myplate), get a support group (I like http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/), and don't take NO for an answer from your body.

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

Yes, I'm counting calories, and I'm using myplate. I was using something else before, but I switched over because that one had more foods so I had to less looking up junk myself. I'm not cheating on it, there's really no sense in that, since it only hurts me. I know when I have a 1700 calorie day. Yesterday I came out ~200 over the 1300 goal myplate said ought to be my goal, and so I went back out to do the treadmill even though it was already 8pm and I wholly did not want to.

if I sound whiny, it's because i've been counting calories since about school started, because that's when I had to fit back into my school stuff. I went from consuming around 2k daily during the summer, down to about 1200-1500 a day, and for serious it has made zero percent difference over the course of the 4-5 months since school started. I gave real soda up entirely, and I haven't bought a bag of chips for months because I know I will eat them.

To be fair I have not been super stellar about the gym, but I have gone on and off, which I didn't do all summer or most of last school year. I was better about it nov-jan, going 2-3 times a week, and then I wasn't allowed to go right after the lasik so i let it go a couple weeks.

I understand what you're saying, I do, but I've changed both diet and activity level over the course of months, and frankly with school the way it is, I just can't do anymore things that I hate, or devote a ton more time to it a week. I'm just saying I'm frustrated.

[aliquot.livejournal.com]

Have you tried visiting a doc (if you have insurance...it seems like a lot of people don't nowadays)? There's always other things that could be going on. Body chemistry is screwy! A lot of things can make your body want to hold on to fat or water or whatever. Or any medications that make it difficult to lose weight. When I went off the pill I dropped 10 pounds just from water retention.

..then there is my bf who stopped drinking regular soda and dropped 70 pounds. Jerk.

Understandably frustrated. It just makes me frustrated too when I see people struggling with it because they're letting themselves get in the way like I did for so long, but from that last comment I think you're definitely going about it the right way. I guess all I can say is don't give up! Sometimes changing things up helps, like the foods you're eating, etc. I find that I lose weight better if I have a ton of protein and a decent amount of fiber. And if I don't drink enough water, of course.

[fantomeq.livejournal.com]

The gym hates you! It's a curse!

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

it seriously is.