but if my knee swells up to melon-size like that time in grad school i can call off

[mousapelli]

I feel like my entire world right now can be summed up by this conversation:

1 of my 105-year-old neighbors: "So, I can see you leaving out my window. You've been going to the gym a lot this month."
me: "yes."
neighbor: "when do you think that'll have some kind of effect?"


the answer is never. never ever. i have weighed 202 pounds for weeks and weeks no matter what i do, no matter that i eat cereal instead of food for lunch or track calories or had a salad during wing night or slept 7+ every night last week or have been to the gym 8 times in 10 days. none of it matters. i weigh the same, all of my shit fits the same (ie, it doesn't), i'm not more energetic or stronger or less tired or anything. I might as well have just sat on my ass that entire time and maybe then at least my kis-my-fic fic would be done, instead of having one sex scene and half of an argument written, like I do.

also my knee fucking hurts suddenly. i wasn't even doing anything, i just stood up, to go put gym clothes on, hilariously, and then the whole side of my knee like cramped up or something, idek. I just walked it off, kind of, and then went to the gym anyway, because I went out with my brothers like i do every tuesday and consequently ate some actual food, which either means i go do 500 calories worth of something I hate or else livestrong/myplate tells me that I fail for the day.

tomorrow is department meeting day, which is the meeting where everybody tells me to my face that they hate me and I'm doing it wrong. what i'm actually doing wrong is being the vice president of the latin festival (which might be the only thing in the entire universe i hate more than the gym), because i was supposed to sort judges for it in January and now it is March and the president wants to know how that's going. wow could i ever not give two figs about the fucking latin festival right now. which, ps, is on my birthday this year.

effffffffffffffffffffff.

Comments

[rikibeth.livejournal.com]

I was going to post some encouraging stuff about reframing your goals to be about feeling more energetic and stuff, but then you got to the part where you don't, and what do I know, I fucking hate exercise too, and have been using "I am adjusting to my meds" as an excuse not to do it for, like, months now.

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

maybe i can make them put me on some meds so that I can use that as an excuse too D:

it is crap. at least one of the science teachers finally admitted that there is a certain percentage of people who get no endorphin rush at all out of exercise, and i was like "THANK YOU" because everybody else is just like but you'll like it later! it's nice to be backed up by science for once.

[peroxidepest17.livejournal.com]

*gives you cake* The same thing keeps happening to me. I work out, and nothing changes. -_-;;

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

i just want to know exactly how long i have to do this before I can tell people to stfu when they say i'm just not waiting long enough.

*wants cake so much*

[kira-shadow.livejournal.com]

if you get knee problems you should switch the work out methods maybe?
:/
my dad had to do so, too and the whole family sticks to aqua jogging and gymnastics in the water now :3 better on the joints *almost broke every single joint in her body already so she knows*

ahem

some people do not change physically when they work out...I wish people would understand that. but you feel better most of the time because you're healthier, fitter. and in the long run, that's going to be better. ♥
if you really run into problems though you should try and ask a doctor?

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

everything i'm doing is super low-impact in the first place (i can't run at all, for instance). I think it's mostly that my body is protesting any sort of exercise at all to be honest, much less doing it routinely.

i'll have to go to the doctor about it if it does it again, I guess. I think I'm due for a physical anyway. but I hate getting them because they will give me the calcium spiel and the weight spiel, and i won't be responsible for my actions if I get the 'you have to exercise' lecture right now.

[talisa-ahn.livejournal.com]

Gym... BAH. I do hope your knee feels better soon though.

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

thanks. it's just the one (i dislocated it in high school), but i'm not anxious for a repeat any time soon.

yeah, the gym at 10pm on a Tuesday is more or less the worst place to be in the universe.

[wintersjuly.livejournal.com]

people hate it when someone says this, but god, i feel you on the gym thing. i slog through multiple classes a week and i've lost... five pounds? in the last year and it fucking sucks. i know i've lost a lot of fat, because i can feel the difference, but frankly i'm the same size.

but if you're get knee spasms, you should get that checked out, or at least, modify parts of your workout -- maybe something you're doing is stressing the joint out? i gave up combat and my hips and knees and back don't spasm any more.

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

I think doing exercise in general is what's stressing my knee out. I'll just have to wait and see if it happens again, and if it does I'll definitely have to go in for it. The stuff I do is already low impact because of my knees (elliptical, walking on treadmill, weight training), so I can't really do much that's lower impact, tbh.

i definitely am experiencing no difference at all, so it's really hard to stay motivated to do something which has zero up side.

[airairo.livejournal.com]

I understand how you feel about not wanting to be told you're doing xxxxx thing wrong. And I know how fucking frustrating it can be when you're trying to lose weight and everyone seems to know exactly what you should be doing ~right. Weight loss is all about unwarranted advice sometimes I swear...

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

I think i would feel more reasonable about the advice about it if it weren't coming from the 125 lb math teacher, sitting across from me eating wings and drinking a real soda while I have a salad.

[mark356.livejournal.com]

I think the only way you can do the gym wrong is (a) if going to the gym is hurting your mental health; or (b) if you're using the equipment wrong and getting injured. (If you're worried about the latter, take a session with a personal trainer.) Going to the gym isn't necessarily going to make you lose weight, but it should make you healthier.

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

well, going to the gym certainly isn't doing my mental health any good. But counting calories without going to the gym was having 0% effect as well, so I don't have much of a choice.

it's not the weight i care about, it's the not fitting into the clothes. The weight is just a convenient marker to point at for the lack of change. I mean, i could give my waist size in inches, which would be equally relevant, but i'm here to tell you that that for sure has not changed either. That's the actual problem.