Also I cannot breathe out of one nostril.

[mousapelli]

i did indeed go to the gym yesterday, and in fact I ran on the treadmill, for five solid minutes, which is about double the length I've probably ever run in a row ever before in my life. my knees and everything else were all stiff and sucky after that, but I was like, whatever, there's your goddamn 500 calories burned. i will just take some advil like a grownup.

Today at lunch:
special ed teacher friend (who runs a lot): "oh yay! See, you're getting stronger! I bet the gym'll definitely start paying off suddenly."
me: "i gained two pounds this morning."
setf: "...what. come on, no you didn't."
me: "we can't talk about this anymore or i'm going to cry in public. again."

seriously, what the hell. I have been so good for weeks and weeks and I am so sick of it and the gym and counting things and everything. i don't understand why this is entirely impossible and I've really fucking had it.

I called off school tomorrow because I haven't been sleeping enough/well since the beginning of the week and i feel like I am going to seriously flip the fuck out if even one more person or thing is annoying in any way. like my department, only 3 of who showed up to my department meeting this afternoon. or the parent who i stayed after school to get their kid's project who was 40 minutes late. or cereal which i have been eating for lunch every. fucking. day.

and now i'm going back to the gym. which i hate. and which is useless. so that tomorrow i can sleep in my bed and not have to go there and do things I hate for the 42nd time so far this year.

Comments

[peroxidepest17.livejournal.com]

*hugs* god I know how you feel I keep going to the gym and getting my ass kicked and the people at the gym keep saying "you work so hard!" BUT NOTHING CHANGES I JUST GET HEAVIER I AM FIFTEEN POUNDS HEAVIER THAN I WAS TWO YEARS AGO.

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

waaaah. I just cannot take it anymore. I'm sitting here with one sneaker on, bawling because i just don't want to do it.

[emeraldus.livejournal.com]

My sister has the same problem with her exercise regimen. She's been watching what she eats, exercising every day, and she's just not losing weight. They talk about muscle mass increasing your weight but maybe the problem also is not taking in enough calories in relation to what is expended and the body is stubbornly holding on to it?

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

well there's no solution to that then, because when i ate more calories regularly, i gained weight. so it seems we are at an impasse.

[emeraldus.livejournal.com]

I add my vote to the "go see nutritionist" post.

[erinlin-w.livejournal.com]

I've been exercising for three months, and I haven't lost anything either. *hugs*

Maybe talking to your doctor or a nutritionist or something might help? At least they might say something that makes you feel less frustrated.

[florahart]

They might, but they also might say things like, oh well at over thirty and your weight (this was a few years ago; 240 pounds) if you are working out an hour a day, you'll need to stick to no more than 1200 calories to have any hope of losing any weight. Why no, I did not have that experience; why do you ask? (That is NOT, by the way, what anyone else recommends; at 240 pounds a person should in theory according to the charts of fucking doom require a couple thousand calories to maintain WITHOUT working out an hour a day)

(sorry, I'm about to hijack your thread here, with the rest of this. ;))

So: caveat. If you go to the doctor, Mousapelli, given that you are SO fucking frustrated with this, and that half the goddamn medical establishment has bought into the absurd and asinine notion that even though all our bodies have ranges of normalcy in every other way, of COURSE weight change works exactly the same for everyone, I want you to start the visit with, "So, I feel really defensive and frustrated about everything about this and I promise if you make me feel worse or treat me like an idiot, it will be ugly. What I do not want is to be told I have to just work harder. I am working as hard as I can manage right now, and being told to do something that is not possible is not actually helpful or encouraging. What I do want is for you to listen to what I am doing now and give me specific, concrete suggestions that I can reasonably implement, and/or order tests to rule out or in biochemical issues that we can fix."

Also, I hear you. I stuck to a plan and lost weight a few years ago, but I had to be very disciplined at all times and I was literally spending 10-12 hours a week working out to lose a couple pounds a week. I currently fluctuate over a range of like 12 pounds for no coherent reason at all. I mean, some of it's cyclic hormone fuckery, but some days, I just randomly weight three pounds more than the day before when there is no reason that should be true, and some days I randomly seem to have lost six pounds Since Saturday (it comes back later, more or less). In order to not be desperately unhappy about this, I had to teach myself--I did this years ago now--to really and truly not see weight less as a primary goal of going to the gym. I see it as a nice side effect, and yes, sometimes it has been a focus, but my real goal is to feel well and strong and healthy. I understand you do not want anyone to tell you well of course you are just building muscle mass and stamina and all that, so that's not what I'm saying (I mean, understanding that works for me and helps me, so in a sense I am but that is not my point); what I want to convey is that I'm sorry your efforts are so frustrating when you are following a plan that all the websites and all the doctors say should be doing what you want it to do, and that I believe you that you are working really hard, and that it is NOT just you living in a body that doesn't conform to this myth of How To Be Perfect.

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

It's okay. I know you've been working on it for a long time, and it's probably just as tough for you having had kids and all.

all I really want is to fit in school clothes that I fit in last year, the weight is just the easiest way to express lack of change. I could also use the fact that I'm still 39 inches around, just like I was a month ago, but I don't whip out the tape measure very often. I really couldn't give two figs about stamina or running or anything, but I was entirely unhappy when I had to wear capris until December because none of my pants fit this year.

like I said below, I'm going to try and go in tomorrow because the weird side thing is not improving and i need them to refill my ibprofen prescription anyway, but I doubt I'm going to be up for much of a confrontation about it. i might make them check my thyroid though because my mother will not shut up about them testing it (they used to draw blood for that all the damn time until I put my foot down. it always comes back normal.)

[aliquot.livejournal.com]

I agree with above in the "go to a doc" sentiment.

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

I'm going to see if they can get me in while I'm off tomorrow because the weird thing on my side isn't getting any better, but frankly i can't imagine what they could possibly tell me that I don't already know, plus i'll have to explain for ten minutes yes i am exercising yes i am watching calories no i am not drinking soda, etc etc etc.

also i invariably get the calcium lecture which there is no way to avoid and fills me with irritation.

[aliquot.livejournal.com]

I feel you, I hate going to the doc. Every one I've seen since I was little has given me the "btw, you're fat" speech, like I am totally oblivious to that fact.

Calcium lecture?

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

it's about how when you get older calcium will start to leech out of your bones and so you need to get as much of it as possible now, blah blah blah, but they start out asking these questions and it doesn't matter what you answer you get the lecture. it's like do you drink milk? and i'm like yes. and then because you should drink milk and not soda, and i'm like yes, i just said--.and then they are like because you need to get such and such amount of calcium a day, and i'm like yes, i have milk on my cereal and usually a couple more times a day, and they they go because you need to have calcium several times a day...

Despite the fact that I am giving the answers they want to hear, they blather on regardless and then send me out with a pamphlet. it's super annoying.

[aliquot.livejournal.com]

They probably like to hear themselves talk lol

[talislady.livejournal.com]

Drive-by de-lurking... I've had the same problems and it took a while for me to figure out what I was doing wrong. Two things: 1. I was overdoing the exercise and 2. My food intake didn't have enough variation to it. I would go back to the same favorite recipes and types of 'slim' foodstuffs. Turns out I can lose weight a lot easier and faster by eating more different, yet still healthy meats, vegetables and fruits, without worrying about calories and points. Turned out my body was holding on to its fat, because I was essentially starving it by not providing it with important nutritious ingredients.

The big 'click' for me came when I started reading this blog called 'The Fat Nutritionist' (www.fatnutritionist.com). Her ideas on food, eating and exercise work very well for me. It may not work for you, but at least it will show you a different way of looking at nutrition, weight loss and exercise. At least she understands some of the problems we face, because she's faced, or is still facing them, as well.

I may not be reaching my goal weight very soon, but these days I'm having a lot more fun getting there. I hope you'll be able to say the same some day and wish you the best of luck.

[shabzilla.livejournal.com]

if I was there I would totally stomach bump you. ♥

[mark356.livejournal.com]

I feel like you and I are somehow supernaturally connected: you work out and eat right, I lose weight. I eat chocolate, you gain weight. You should blame your post-gym weight gain on me-- it's probably due to the cookies I had earlier. I'm sorry!

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

This is all your fault D: