So Here's the Thing

[mousapelli]

about this time of year every year, I start getting the emails for the ABNA (Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award), which in case you don't know, is an annual contest they run for new or self-published authors. It has a bunch of rounds and the winners get contracts with Penguin (iirc).

The thing is that even the mention of ABNA, just seeing the letters on my screen, makes me feel a burst of hatred.

This is due to the fact that 2 years ago I submitted Chaotic Butterfly, just to do it, and made it into the 2nd round where you get two random reviewers for the first 5k or something, and received, hands down, the worst review I've ever had for anything. Now, it's not like I think i'm the great American novelist or some shit, and I understand fake Japanese boyband is a truly niche market, but this was downright mean. It actually contained the words "no redeeming value." It was bad enough that I even wrote an email to be like, what the fucking fuck is this person doing reviewing a budding novelist contest and ps YOU KNOW WE CAN SEE OUR REVIEWS, ASSHAT.

I feel like I should be able to shake it off, I'm a big girl and I've been writing a long time, but the truth is that I obviously still think about it now and then, and that's pretty much exactly the time that the amount of writing I do dropped off sharply. Last year I wrote less than 20 total fics, and this is definitely not 0% of the factors in that. So part of my irritation is aimed at myself for letting it get to me. But I still wish the ABNA was a person I could slap across the face every time their pitch is all "inspiring new authors! yay!"

So whatever, that's what I have to say about that. Fuck you, ABNA.

Comments

[kira-shadow.livejournal.com]

I've had similar experiences which is why I keep away from certain things, too. Thinking about them upsets me greatly still but I'm trying to tell myself that there's only forward that there are people who like what I do and write and everyone else can go fuck themselves. It's hard to do sometimes though and there are days when I just cannot stop thinking about it.

*sigh*

Maybe one day, when we've dealt with our issues we'll emerge stronger from it? :X *clings to tiny shred of hope*

But seriously, how can they just allow people to write whatever the fuck they want and not you know, screen people to make sure they actually write constructive criticism for something like that? You'd imagine they'd be a serious enough company for this shit... :/ *unimpressedtamaface*

For all that it means, we here (and I think I can speak for other people here), love what you write and we support you.

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

yeah, i definitely think more of a screening process would be to everybody's benefit.

*hugs* thanks, you too.